well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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