I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
