I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
