just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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