singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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