I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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