that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
