the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
