Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
