I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
