I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
