the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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