I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
