At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
