i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
