i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize