So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
