I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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