I wish I only lived at night.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
