the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
