I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
