Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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