Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
