I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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