And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
