if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
