Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
