you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
