thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
