lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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