I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
