I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
