I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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