i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
