Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
