Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
