i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
