it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
