We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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