I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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