just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
God, I missed his penis.
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