DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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