fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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