you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
