i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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