I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im holly from the hills drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
