I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
