Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
