well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think my moral compass just broke
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
