he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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