my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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