I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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