Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
