I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sorry about my life...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
