Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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