Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
