Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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