; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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