You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
