Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
