I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize