I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You're earring is so big in my mouth
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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