see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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