she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
