I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
