You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
