I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
