last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
